Christmas is a time when we’re around family and friends more than usual. A time when it’s pretty easy to get caught up in everything that’s happening around us…to the point we lose ourselves. This is neither good nor bad because participating in life’s activities is what we’re here on earth to be doing.
Losing ourselves can throw us out of balance causing conflict inside and outside of us. One way to find our way back to our center is to be aware of any relationships that awaken unrest within us. We have relationships with anything and everything.
Consider this…we start out our day and the first relationship we have is with ourselves. From there we start interacting with maybe our spouse/partner, children or pet(s)…and those relationships are now underway. We then drive to work. We’re now in a relationship with our vehicle…then our work and co-workers. Come lunchtime. If we’re eating, there’s the relationship with our eating and food. After work we’re going for groceries and maybe even have Christmas shopping to do. Those experiences alone involve many relationships. Can you see what I’m showing you? Yes, we have a relationship with anything and everything. How are we relating in each one of them?
Do we have to be aware of every relationship? The answer is no. To grow in awareness is to become aware of the relationships where we struggle or have conflict. We’re looking for the first relationship in our day when we’re reacting more than normal. We want to be extra aware of what’s causing us to get upset and throw us off balance. Could be in the morning when we have too many things to do…could be when we get to work and feel pressure to complete projects…could be the evenings when we’re in the presence of someone who irritates us. It would be that one relationship in the day when we need to pay close attention of what’s going on inside and outside of us.
It’s important to know this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a relationship with people. I know we tend to think it has to do with others but this can be our relationship with money, time or even our state of employment. This can be our relationship with our looks or Christmas and all it entails.
Going a little further…once we’ve identified the one relationship…we continue to be like detectives. Who’s involved? What’s happening? What situation do we find ourselves in? When and where is this taking place? Bringing these kinds of details to our consciousness helps us find our way to healing and resolving that upset or unrest inside. Why…because once we’re aware, fifty percent of our healing has taken place and we get to make new choices if necessary.
Let me give you this example…I have a friend who I’ll call Rachel. She has a family member who shows up unexpectedly and it annoys her. When she thinks of that family member she gets really upset. I invited Rachel in her time of being upset…to take her attention away from the family member and move her focus to what was going on inside of her. I guided her feel her way to what the upset was about. In the process of doing that…she recalled how she was the brunt of jokes and how that family member didn’t respect her time or friendship. Her upset was towards herself for allowing the disrespect to continue…which now was the whole reason for the upset inside. Rachel was now in a position where she could heal and resolve the unrest behind that upset…leaving her to feel more at peace inside.
Sometimes the relationship we have with solving problems is a problem. Sometimes the relationship with yard work causes us stress. Sometimes just watching our partner sitting around being lazy creates unrest inside of us. Sometimes our relationship with our health is upsetting. And yes, sometimes that one family member just knows how to say the wrong things causing us to react again and again. Relationship problems are not only with people.
Can you imagine if we actually approached all our relationships with that kind of awareness? The awareness that we just need to be extra aware when there’s struggle or conflict.
In closing…we tend to think our upset has to do with people…period. That’s not true. People outside of us do things causing us to react in some way. They’re either doing or not doing something that pushes our buttons. Being aware of the person and what they’re doing is the first step in the healing process. The second step involves finding our way inside to connect with the unrest. It truly does take courage to confront our own unrest…at least that’s been my experience.
Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you’ll always be guided to feel at peace inside.
I wish you all the very best for an amazing Christmas Season. May 2024 be a year of growing awareness and wonderment beyond measure.
Sheila Unique, Relationship Coach and Spiritual Teacher
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