There it was…unexpectedly I was given the opportunity to grow in awareness.
I caught myself getting upset with my husband, Jimmy a few weeks ago. I’d ask him a question related to our home and with a negative tone in his voice he’d snap at me telling me we weren’t going to be changing anything. I asked him not to talk like that. I wanted to know, kept asking him and finally he gave me an answer. Over the next couple of days I began noticing that same thing happening. It now happened one too many times! I was done being snapped at and reacted. Let me say my voice got pretty loud. He stopped snapping at me and even though that had changed I didn’t feel good about reacting.
Fast forward now to Thanksgiving Sunday. We were cooking the turkey for our family evening meal hosted by our daughter. Throughout the day, Jimmy asked all kinds of questions related to cooking the turkey most of which I easily answered. The day was flying by and I was starting to feel pressured because the turkey was taking so long to cook. Supper was planned for 4:30 that afternoon and come 4pm it was obvious to us that the turkey was going to be late. It wasn’t so easy to answer his questions anymore. The more he asked the less confidence I had in knowing what to do next. I began snapping at him and yes, there was a negative tone in my voice which I soon became aware of. Around 6pm I was at the point where I left the kitchen needing to release the emotions that were building up quickly inside.
Eventually I was back in the kitchen feeling very different. I had no more attachment to how this turkey would or wouldn’t turn out. I know that sounds odd to hear. The pressure was gone, I was no longer emotional and the tone had disappeared from my voice. Now I was in a place where I could accept that the turkey was late and was present enough to hear that our family insisted on waiting for us. An unexpected turn of events also occurred for me. I didn’t need to be the know-it-all and easily answered his questions with the words, ‘I don’t know.’ Because I didn’t know…Jimmy stepped up knowing what to do next. After 6:30…we arrived with a cooked turkey, enjoyed supper and still had time to visit with our family. I jokingly referred to that day as the day from hell! A day that came and went offering me an opportunity to grow in my awareness.
It has been my experience, we don’t always see the growth intended for us until we’re removed from the situation. Why? Because we’re busy living through the experience, reactions and all. For me, it was in my meditation practice the next morning that I realized where I had grown.
How do we grow in awareness? One easy way is by paying attention any time we react negatively. I reacted when my husband snapped at me. I also reacted causing me to snap at him which was the very thing I asked him to stop doing to me. It was only because of my awareness that I saw that. Regardless of who is or isn’t involved, it benefits us to pay attention to our own reactions. How would we know? For me, I knew I was reacting because I’m not normally like that and I wanted to be aware of what caused me to react that day. My awareness started the whole process of resolving my issue and finding the solution that was right for me. Only when we’re aware can we make a change, if needed. There really is nothing more powerful than our own grace and awareness. Yes, there is nothing more powerful for you than your own grace and awareness.
The gift of my reactions helped me easily identify opportunities for growth. We’re continually paying attention to what’s going on inside in relation to what’s happening outside of us.
What I most want you to take away from this article…has to do with my amazing husband. Because of him and his involvement in my life I got to heal something very deep within myself. It’s because of our involvement in relationships that we have opportunities to learn and grow.
Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you will always be guided to feel at peace inside.
Sheila Unique, Relationship Coach and Spiritual Teacher
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